Disintegration is a universal phenomena, although every proccess is
individual Ive chosen to externalize it.
When thoughts are appearing less correlative, thought discontinuity,
thought loss, memory loss, mind loss, when thoughts can not be-come.
When words are appearing less correlative, or inexpressable, at times
like ´baby talk´ or, matching in ´wrong´ ways as was intended or
spontaneously, I spare you some of the ´looney´ details, like ´reversals´
into before becoming ´this self´.
Internal, external speech, and realization without thought processing.
I am not interested in in looking at anything, but of nature, like trees,
crystals, the ocean, plants, (and cat), always preferred blank walls anyway,
as opposed to seeing fancy images (manmade), although all the other
stuff, when i go out, and curtains and floors, its not really there anyway,
I like blank walls, I prefer some illusory manifestations over others then.
On another level, I have no preference, I just see . . . without really seeing
what I look at.
I dont hear any thoughts, I am not aware of thoughts, I hear speaking,
I speak inside or to others outside, or to my higher self, or my higher
self speaking directly using the speech organ. Words still appear less
correaltive or spontaneously matching in ´wrong´ ways when I speak,
The body rejects most fruit and veggies, except a few, and organic coconut
water, the ingestion effect breath causing difficulty to breathe, hyper allergenic
reactions and nausea, thin coffeee with coconutmilk help with nausea.
I feel very energized and fiery, except for periods with total exhaustion requiring
withdrawl and deep rest.
I seem to have lost the mind. I dont miss it.
Emptiness and fullness, its mind, what is there then without .. . .life,
life energy, . . . . a ´higher self´ . . . . . . an ´I´ .
People have glorified mind, made it g_d, or been its pleasure /pain slaves,
also to self created materiality bonding (the devil metaphor).
I never liked this ´imposed contsruct´ .
I don´t what I say really in the way, I am not thinking about it, excuse me
any . . . . ( i dont know what ). I still feel duality in the astral body.
I do not advocate for any form of ´enlightenment´. I dont agree with the
idea of ´enlightenment´ , or as something ´to reach or become´ . I agree
with true higher self connection with the physical body and ´removing
whats stands in between´.
Radiance or illumination can be natural effect of bringing in the higher self,
or bringing in the higher light, a light that can pervade the lower bodies
incl the physical.
Re the Mind, and Hypnosis selfimposed or otherwise ´ Mind Controlled´.
Ive seen people sit in ´slow motion hypnoticed mindstates´ saying
´all the right spiritual things´ according to dogma, but no life, no fire,
no spontanity . . . . . . artificial like.
The body reject more fruit or leafy green, in this ´disintegration proccess´
unbearable bodily feeling entering the bloodstream hyper allergenic, only
pure organic coconut water.
organic pure coconut water.
I feel like deleting everything Ive ever written, all into dissolution, all
words, all attachments, eliminate or converge in to a ´more pure and
true state´, my way of being is knowing or not knowing, no belief , anything
I may be wrong about, ill discard any day, or correct to a ´more true knowing´
ie progressevive, successive revelation. ____ I look at words right now on a
computer screen they are all meaningless to me, I cant relate to them, I can
laugh at it though, the meaningless.
The instinctual survival mechanism and it ways are unusual clear to feel, see.
I am ´too´ righteous for many people, not sorry about that, came into this body,
life like that.
self-righteousness though is tainted with shadow self, is something to be aware of.
I feel unwell on coconut water also, words are lost from speech.
As the angel of death came nearer,
clarity and truth prevailed,
know that you are loved, the angel said,
before the life was lost in its radiant aura.
Desire can burn it self out, desire for food can burn itself out, hunger is
physiological in the traditional sense. Synchronistic with the hyper allergy
and unwellness with more fruit, veggie and even the coconut water.
In another perspective re how polarity express in many ways, hunger and thirst can be
seen as two expressions of desire ; hunger can be seen as masculine, and thirst as
feminine, when the yogi, soul or higher self control these impulses, and stand in
balanced equilibrium between the pair of opposites in the astral body/plane, the energy
behind the sacral center, can be transferred upwards to the throat, higher creational point.
# raya yoga,
All desire can be converted inward towards union with the higher self or g_d.
My Father also spoke against the UN and other corrupted ways and corrupted
democracies of the west, he also spoke against communism, the Cia tried to
destroy us both. His seed of creation in my body and blood soon will dissipate,
the last goodbye, ´my own´ creation to be, I love you father, last time I call you this,
on the higher level you are not that anyway.
Returning to full organic Coconut Water fast again 12 days +, and a little
Acai berry power the first days, after a shorter bodily accaeptable period of
advocado /cucumber water, that has ended,
praying for eventual full internal nourishment to take over.
The body rejects outer food again, greens, veggies in this inner proccess, hyper allergy
entering the boodstream, and nausea also coconut water nausea, though better
Conclusively for now after 1,5 month, progressingly more ´higher self integration´ and
how it effects the whole bodily system and organs not compatible with having food into
the system from the outside. Felt pain in the heart from cocowater, water gives nausea too.
What happens if all the control mechanisms and fears of the personality
(lower self ego) comes to an end, a death would occur, some people
´fight death´, others simply let go.
I differentiate between lower self personality ego, and higher self I.
Ie. also higher self integration as the lower self comes to an end.